The Infraggable Tony-Man vs dead expectations

So, I'm sure this post will end up being controversial for the parties involved, and maybe I deserve my lot in life, but I am completely unhappy with a lot of things.  I don't know what's going on with my own life.  I find myself just sort of coasting through life, and more often than not... I find that I'm self-defeating.

I'm confused about life.  I'm confused about people.  I wonder about things these days.  Not long ago, I wrote a blog about how I was in a relationship with someone that I actually liked.  And now, I'm not even sure if she considers me a friend, or if I'm some annoying nuisance.  The thing is that we haven't really spoken in two or three weeks.  And we haven't seen each other in about that long.  I don't understand it.  Okay, I get maybe not speaking or seeing each other for a day, or maybe even two.  Life's busy, and shit happens.  I understand that.  What I don't understand is why we haven't done anything.  Maybe I assumed too much between the two of us.  I tend to do that.

I don't know how to relate to anyone except passionately, with my heart on my sleeve.  I don't believe in one-sided relating.  I don't believe in putting myself out there and then feeling like I'm being tugged around.  And it always happens.  I would think that after so many years of disappointment, I would learn that I am not meant to find happiness, or hell even a distraction from my life.  No... no... I just barrel into life with little understanding of it.  And because of it, I'm always scorched.  And the fuck of it is that I really should know better.

I don't know.  These days, I feel like I'm losing my already tenuous grip on reality.  And maybe I'm just finding substance in things and people that just simply doesn't exist.  And maybe I just have to face the reality that I will never be anything but cheating myself out of anything that I want in life.  Perhaps that's the lesson my life is meant to teach to a blind and deaf audience.  And I'm sure that's something I won't pass down to a generation that doesn't exist not in this world of men.

The Infraggable Tony-Man reviews "Warm Bodies"

Fellow readers of the Infraggable Tony-Reviews,

If there is anything that I love as much as gaming, it's zombies.  I'm not exactly sure what it is about zombies and the undead in general that really appeals to me.  My love of zombies and evil dead things comes from the movie "Evil Dead."  (And if you don't know what "Evil Dead" is... you have no business reading this blog, ever.)  Zombies are just so interesting.  They claw up from their graves, and roam the world in search of human brains to eat.  Some of them have full mobility, some of them can barely move.  They shamble around, driven by instinct, and are the things of nightmares.  Some zombies are dumb, some are supernaturally intelligent, some are meant for shock value, or even comedic relief.  And then there are some that makes us sympathetic toward their plight, such as the zombies in "Warm Bodies."  And the thing about zombie-ism is that anyone could be turned into a Zombie.  From the privileged, to the unfortunate,  To... this guy.

Because Zombama doesn't quite make sense.

So, when I watched "Warm Bodies" in the movie theater, I came into it with high hopes.  I had only seen the trailer, and it was enough to pique my curiosity about the movie, but not enough to break it.  Too often these days, the trailers that you see on TV gives too much away.  They can't seem to find the right balance.  So, when the "Warm Bodies" trailer came on, I was interested.  The story is largely concerned with a Zombie who is named "R", R because the zombie says via voice-over that all he can remember is that the first letter in his name is R, but he can't remember anything more than that.  R is played by Nicholas Hoult ("Beast" X-Men: First Class, "Jack" Jack the Giant Slayer) who is disillusioned by his zombie "lifestyle."  The zombies are classified into two types: Corpses and "boneys."  The Corpses are you're mostly human-like appearanced zombies.  The boneys are those who have had most of their flesh ripped off.  This comes into play later.

At the core of the movie, it is a romantic comedy, but it is done in such a great and moving way.  The female counter is a woman named Julie played by Teresa Palmer ("Steph McKinney" Wish You Were Here  "Number 6" I Am Number Four), who is part of the human survivors/resistance who is just trying to live her dismal life, and was put on a task team to gather supplies.  Julie has a boyfriend named Perry who gets killed and eaten during a raid in the outer city to gather up medical supplies.  And when R and Julie meet, a subtle change occurs in R, and instead of eating her, he takes her back to the airport, to an airplane that he considers his home, thus saving her life.

 

 

Love at first grunt...

Over the first half of the movie, there is great comedic timing, and fantastic pacing.  Nothing in the first half of the movie seems contrived, or forced.  The two of them try to get to know each other, while slowly but surely R becomes gradually more and more human like.  The change is slow, and barely noticeable at first, but there are some genuinely heart pulling moments in the movie.  But there are also a lot of subtle things about the movie that are honestly, and actually funny.  The movie actually has a good balance of romance, and comedy which makes this movie work.  It knows when to be serious, but it doesn't take itself too serious, and in my opinion, I think it's a fucking great thing.  And even though this movie keeps the tried and true story of boy meets girl, boy likes girl, girl sort of likes boy back, there is trouble, and make up at the end... "Warm Bodies" definitely brings a lot of new stuff that makes the story so fucking awesome.

While I could go into detail about how the movie was awesome (and believe me, it is,) Part of what made the movie so good was that I went to go see it in the theaters, and some of the funniest moments didn't actually come from the movie itself but from my friends, and the audience behind me.  There was a laugh-out-loud moment in the second half of the movie, and this one woman laughed like a cross between Woody Woodpecker, and that sound that Goofy makes when he's falling from a great distance (Aiiiiiir-hoo-hoo-hoo-weee!)  I had to admit, there were a few things that I simply didn't like about the movie.  Mind you they are nitpicky little things.

First of all, while I was completely invested in the two main characters, I don't think they could have been any more dumb, and contrived.  The entire movie has a very Romeo and Juliet vibe to it, and out character's names are R and Julie.  It's too fucking dumb to be considered coincidence.  In fact, a word to future movie makers.  Unless you're making Romeo and Juliet, please don't try to be clever by using any sort of off-shoot of the names.  Not only is it uninspired, but its been done to death.  Literally.

Second, I fail to believe that the settlement that the humans live could be so unprotected.  Okay, granted that there are checkpoints, and armed guard, and precautions.  But it all was for naught.  All it took was a secret passage, and well... that was pretty much it.

Last thing that really got to me was the appearance of the boneys.  They looked a lot like the mummies from The Mummy.  CGI has gotten better since those movies came out, but they looked pretty bad. 

But these are just nitpicking details, and really... if you don't think of stuff like that, and can sacrifice practical sense for the sake of story telling, "Warm Bodies" delivers what it promises, and it does it in spades.  The fact that I saw it with some of my friends was pretty awesome.  "Warm Bodies" is definitely a movie that you should check out.  This movie-going reviewer intends to see it at least one more time in the theater.

No eat.  *Chomp chomp.*

The Infraggable Tony-Man Team-up!

So, something strange happened to me a few days ago.  Something that happens to me once every five or six years.  I made a connection with a member of the opposite sex that is deeper than friendship.

Caveat: I've had girlfriends before.  But, it is rare that I have a girlfriend for any reason beyond doing the nasty.  Which is always fun, but hardly an investment.

Counting this current relationship, I would say that the number of women that I've invested in as a girlfriend as something that is emotionally satisfying as well as physically, is probably... four.  It's tough to really know what a girlfriend is supposed to do, really.  I mean, I know the basics.  They're supposed to be supportive, give love, and be the better half.  But when I think about it; I'm not so sure what it means to be the better half.  But I'm not sweating it.  I'm not sure what to expect from this, or even if it will last, but I know that I'm going to enjoy this new facet of my life, and maybe this is the spark that motivates me to fix other parts of my life.  Or maybe this is the final straw.  Who knows?  All I know is that I feel good, I feel like a 2013-appropriate amount of money  (I would say a million bucks, but with inflation, and the state of the economy, a million dollars isn't nearly as much money as it once was.)  I feel pretty awesome.

But with the feeling of awesomeness and all that, there also comes a certain amount of doubt.  With no job, no money, and all of that, I wonder if I can hold it together long enough.  Then I worry why I should worry and that I should just ride the wave.  Still, this girlfriend thing, hm?  It fucking rocks the proverbial socks.  That's all I really have to say on the matter... for now.  I wonder what's next in this funny little muddle called life.  I'm not really sure, but you know, I'm not going to sweat it too much, and I'll just see what happens between now and then.

The Infraggable Tony-Man vs Marvel™'s Magneto

Master of Magnetism, and of Wizards

I don't know what it is.  My favorite Comic superhero is none other than the web-slinger, Spider-Man himself.  (After all, if nothing else, Spider-Man is the reason why Tony-Man has a hypen in it.)  Spider-Man has a flip way of speaking.  He always doubts himself, he has many human vulnerabilities that we as a reader can sympathize with.  He wears a mask, to protect those that he loves, but also so he can deflect the fear that he has every time that the web head's life is threatened.  He knows that with great power comes yadda yadda yadda.  There is a great sadness that harbors in his heart, but it drives him to do good.  In a sense, Spider-Man could very well be more American than Captain America himself, who by Marvel's definition IS America.

But then, I get to thinking, that if Spider-Man embodies all the qualities of my favorite superhero... then why isn't Venom my favorite super villain, since Venom is by all account what Spider-Man could be if he ever gave into and became evil?  When I was younger, I really hadn't thought of Venom in that way, but now that I am thinking about it, I find myself looking to other super villains, and truly.  I think now my favorite comic book villain has to be Magneto.  Yes, he has something of a god complex.  Yes, he has done many things that can be considered crimes of humanity.  Yes, he's an extremist who wants to usher Homo Superior (mutants) into an age free from humanity, and to take what he perceives as their rightful place as the next evolutionary step... but there's something to be said about Magneto that makes him stand out.

The first thing is his origin.  We don't really know much of Erik "Magnus" Lensherr's upbringing.  What we do know is that the man now known as Magnus spent his early teens imprisoned with his family at the Nazi death camp in Auschwitz, Poland. The only member of his family to survive the camp, Magnus here learned how brutally human beings could treat minorities whom they considered different. After World War II Magnus married a woman named Magda and they had a daughter, Anya. When a mob prevented Magnus from rescuing Anya from dying in a fire, he used his powers to destroy them all in revenge.  With this in mind, it wasn't like Magneto had a good upbringing.  Sure Peter Parker's parents were killed when Peter was barely 4.  But, it can be agreed that Magneto's life had been pretty shitty for a majority of his years.  Not that this justifies his crimes against humanity, but there is an understanding of how a young man can be so shaped by the world.

The next important part about Magneto's character, is his relationship with Charles Xavier.  They were long time friends before they turned into enemies.  Eventually Magnus went to Israel, where he worked as a volunteer orderly at a psychiatric hospital and where he first met and became friends with Charles Xavier. Magnus and Xavier frequently debated the subject of mutants' coexistence with the rest of humanity. After the two men joined forces to rescue their friend Gabrielle Haller from Baron Strucker and his HYDRA agents, Magnus left for parts unknown. After being betrayed by the intelligence agents with whom he worked, Magnus began planning his campaign against the human race.  This dynamic shows that even with all that had happened between him and humanity, he did not automatically become evil and black-hearted.  Even though eventually he and Xavier became enemies, one such as Magneto can still have respect for his longtime friend.  This is very important and that in my opinion, it grounds Magneto and keeps him from being too cartoony, and too far from salvation.  That even as rivals, there is mutual respect from both Xavier and Magnus.

Powerful friends.... Powerful Enemies.

Lastly, Magneto's powers of magnetism is beyond measure.  Magneto is a mutant with the superhuman power to control magnetism. He can shape and manipulate magnetic fields that exist naturally or artificially. It is unclear, however, whether he must draw magnetic force from outside himself (if so, then he can do so over vast distances), or whether he can also generate magnetic force from within himself. Nor is it clear whether Magneto's power is psionic or purely physiological in nature.

Although Magneto's power is not on the level of the Silver Surfer in his prime, it is for all practical purposes limitless. Even before his rejuvenation, Magneto once lifted a cargo freighter weighing 30,000 tons 50 feet into the air from a distance of 300 feet away. Moreover, Magneto can use his magnetic powers in more than one way simultaneously. He can completely assemble a complicated machine within seconds through his powers. He can erect magnetic force fields with a high degree of impenetrability around himself for protection. Although Magneto often gestures when using his magnetic powers, he can utilize them fully even when standing totally still merely by concentrating.

Although Magneto's primary power is magnetism, he seems to have some ability to project or manipulate any form of energy that is related to magnetism. In the past he has fired a bolt of electricity, he has also created enough intense heat to destroy a metal door. Heat, or infrared radiation, is part of the electromagnetic spectrum, which also includes visible light, radio waves, ultraviolet light, gamma-rays, and x-rays. Magneto may be able to project any of these. He has also been shown creating an anti-gravity field, and presumably does so whenever he levitates a non-magnetic object. Hence, Magneto may be living proof of the long sought Unified Field Theory that all forms of energy are related. However, Magneto almost always uses only magnetism, so perhaps it is more difficult for him to manipulate other forms of energy.

In previous years Magneto has apparently exhibited powers of astral projection and telepathy, and has claimed to be able to control the minds of others. His abilities along these lines are minimal, however-enough, perhaps, to protect himself against mightier telepaths, but not of great use otherwise.

Magneto's ability to wield his superhuman powers effectively is dependent upon his physical condition. When severely injured, his body is unable to withstand the strain of manipulating groat amounts of magnetic forces.

Clearly, Magneto is amongst the most powerful mutants in the Marvel Universe, and with all of this, he has had plenty of experience in leadership, and he is charismatic, but he has also been vulnerable.  While he is powerful, he still exhibits traits that he is not invulnerable.  He is still guided by human-like emotions.  Anger, vengeance, envy, these things are apparent.  But underneath it all, he feels as a father, and wants to protect his fellow mutants, so that they do not have to go through their own personal Auschwitz.  He's not unlike any other father who wants to protect their children.  Perhaps he takes a few steps too extreme to achieve his intentions.  But seeing where his intents lie, perhaps one can't blame him.  Personally, I see him as a Black Crusader for Mutant Rights and Justice.  Then again, many villains in the Marvel Universe are products of their perception of the universe that is presented to them.

The moral of the story: Nazis ruin everything.

The Infraggable Tony-Man reviews the Royal Rumble 2013

Finally... the Rock has come back!

Okay, so anyone who knows me knows that I am a fan of the WWE.  And why wouldn't I be?  I'm a fan of role-playing games, Fantasy settings, card games, comic books, and stories that features good guys, and bad guys.  So if anything, the world of wrestling (when it comes down to it, is very much like a comic book, in that it features colorful characters battling each other in boots and underwear) appeals to me.  Last Sunday, was just another soiree into the world of wrestling that was exactly that.  Just a bunch of guys beating each other up in a twenty by twenty foot ring.  This year's Royal Rumble was one of the better ones, though it was not without complaint from my view.

 The thing that really made this Royal Rumble special to me; however, wasn't the event itself, but it was one of the first times in many long years, that I was invited to do something with friends.  Many people who read this former Facebook exclusive ranting (since I hardly call this an official review blog) knows that I tend to keep to myself.  Sure I go out on Wednesdays to the bar, but other than that, I really don't have much to contribute to anyone or anything; so the fact that I was considered for invitation, was something.

Granted I was invited by Facebook proxy, but whatever.  So really, this was really the first time I got to do anything with people that didn't include... being at a place where alcohol is normally served. (Though alcohol was there.)   Which brings me to the Royal Rumble Pay-Per-View itself.  While there were several matches, the two that I was really invested in, was the actual 30-Man Royal Rumble Match, and the WWE Championship Match between CM Punk and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.  I suppose, before going on to do this review, I should mention two wrestling terms, that while most wrestling fans should know; is good to learn, since these terms are going to appear in this post from time to time.  The two terms are "Face" and "Heel."  And while I could go on into the history of these terms, and spit out some other wrestling jargon... the concepts of Face and Heel are, relatively simple.

Face - A wrestler within a story angle that is traditionally perceived as the "good guy"
Heel - A wrestler within a story angle that is traditionally perceived as the "bad guy"

The first match was the World Heavyweight Championship match between  Champion Alberto Del Rio (face), and The Big Show (heel).  While Alberto Del Rio won, he did not do so with traditional face tactics.  Mind you that up until a few weeks ago, Alberto Del Rio has spent his entire 3+ year WWE tenure as a heel.  And thanks to contrived, and somewhat lazy story lining, Alberto Del Rio has become a face.  And while I've been waiting for the face turn, I honestly didn't like the lazy way of how Big Show was just harrassing Alberto Del Rio's personal ring announcer, Richardo Rodriguez, and all of a sudden Alberto Del Rio became a face.  But to offset that, the Big Show, who is this 7 foot tall 441lbs giant has been wrestling in WWE for almost 15 years, and had tenure in the now defunct WCW, and yet they give him the lamest heel turn several months ago.  Apparently he's under contract by a former General Manager by the name of John Laurinitis, that he has an "ironclad" contract, which supposedly allows him to run roughshod over anyone he feels like.  And that made him a heel.  It's less inspired, but I can by it, because I feel that the Big Show makes a good heel; regardless of how it came to be.  This match was meant to be a Last Man Standing Match, which means that there are no disqualifications, no count outs, no rules.  The person who is knocked down and stays down until a count of ten is the loser.  Alberto Del Rio beats the Big Show, when Richardo Rodriguez duct tapes the Big Show's legs to the bottom rope, which means that Big Show can't get up.  It's semi-clever, but it's been done before.  And while I'm happy that Alberto Del Rio won the match, I'm less happy that it happened in a somewhat anti-climatic way.

The next match was Team Hell No (Kane and Daniel Bryan, face) vs. Team Rhodes Scholars (Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow, heel).  Personally, while one of my favorite wrestlers of all time is Kane; I really couldn't get into the match.  I don't even remember if there were any notable highlights.  The whole Dysfunction vs Dystopia storyline has been thin from the beginning, and while Team Hell No in my opinion has been one of the funnier things to witness in WWE in a long time, I feel that the novelty is wearing off.  Needless to say, Team Hell No beat Team Rhodes Scholars, but it's clear that this was the weakest match in the Royal Rumble.

Which brings us to the Royal Rumble Match itself.  The rules of the Royal Rumble Match is as follows.  Two men will start the match, and every ninety seconds, a new wrestler joins in on the fray.  Pins, and submissions don't do jack shit.  The only way a person can be eliminated is if they get tossed over the top rope, and both feet hit the floor.  This goes on until each of the thirty participants have entered.  The last man in the ring after twenty-nine wrestlers have been eliminated is the winner, and headlines Wrestlemania.  This year, John Cena won the Royal Rumble.  I don't have anything against John Cena.  2012 was admittedly his worst year in his career.  But he's still more or less the golden boy of WWE.  They give him opportunity after opportunity.  And while he's a good wrestler, he's not a great one.  Story angle wise, I get it.  He's the one with the most to prove so far as story angle goes.  But there are many hungry wrestlers who needs to be pushed, to me, Cena has run his course, and its time that he begins to step down from being the golden boy, and allow new blood to showcase their potential.  Of course, this won't happen for a while, but I am hoping that soon the long-lived veterans will step down and allow the new blood some time.  I don't like the fact that he's become this self-righteous boy scout.  I could go on about John Cena.  I respect what he does in the ring, and for WWE, and for Make-A-Wish, and all these other things.  But I do not like John Cena the wrestler character.  Say what you want about him, that's my opinion about him.

Which brings me to the final match.  WWE Champion CM Punk (heel) vs. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (face).  Let me clear the air here for a moment.  Everyone loves the Rock.  I love the Rock.  There are few people in the world who doesn't love the Rock.  But, why is the Rock back in WWE?  What reason should he be given a title shot opportunity without working for it.  Yes, I know that he's a one-of-a-kind Hall of Famer Legend who brings in money to WWE by spouting off catchphrases and "layin' the smackdown on those candy-asses."  And that's all well fine and good.  But, come the fuck on.  Meanwhile CM Punk has held the WWE Championship for an unheard of 434 days.  He has the sixth longest reign in WWE History.  The Longest Reign of the last 25 years.  Granted he started off as a face, and began the revolution with his infamous "Pipe Bomb" speech way back in 2011; but let's be real.  The Rock leaves the WWE for 10 years to be a movie star, and when he comes back, he beats John Cena at Wrestlemania 28.  And isn't seen or heard from again.  And then he casually just waltzes in and gets a title shot, just like that.  No number one contender's match.  No long thought out storyline... just a smattering of a few weeks to throw verbal salvos at each other.  Urrrgh!  Okay, I get it.  The Rock remains one of the highest money-draws in WWE history.  The Rock is only 40 years old, and is in great shape.  And only he really seems to know what the Rock is cooking (to which I hope is burgers, or steak) but... just because the Rock is "the most electrifying man in all of entertainment," doesn't give him the right to have a championship match without going through the channels that everyone else does.  To top it off, The match gets interfered with, by this faction known as "The Shield" (an uninspired name for should-be decent wrestlers) and the match gets restarted, and the Rock wins.

Point:  I'm glad that the Rock won.  I'm pissed off that this could have been a story angle that could have been epic, but they were just far too lazy with it.  The Shield could suck my left nut, and fondle my right.

Another Point:  CM Punk is a great heel, but I felt that his credibility floundered ever since there was a Shield.  It started to go south when  Paul Heyman became intertwined with CM Punk.  CM Punk is one of my favorite wrestlers.  He, The Undertaker, Rey Mysterio, and Sheamus are my top four favorites... so why did they half ass his story angle with the Rock?  Why would they do that?

All in all, obviously, I found a lot wrong with this year's Royal Rumble.  But, even so... it was a very strong Pay-Per-view, with genuinely awesome moments, and awesome people.  This year's Royal Rumble will be remembered for a while.  Who knows?  Maybe one year, I'll get to actually go to one of these sporting events.  .......one day.......

The Infraggable Tony-Reviews reviews his new blog.

Ladies and gentlemen.  Nerds, geeks, and freaks.  Or whatever else you decide to label yourself, since I really don't have words to label each and every person who reads this.  Starting today, 22 January 2013; this is the first blog that wasn't hastily copied and pasted from Facebook.  I'm not sure why, but I thought that having my own blog would be better than just posting on Facebook, not that there's anything wrong with the website itself.  But, I feel that I can do more things with this blog, than I ever could.

I can now Bold, and underline, and italics, and other things that I couldn't before, so that's pretty cool.  I will eventually allow guest blogging into this blog, and maybe do some co-reviews.  I still need to figure out how to do a lot of things, so I do expect the quality of this blog to steadily raise.  Until it's something that I can personally be proud of, but until then.  This is the new format, and this is the new place that I will do my reviews.

So, I just had an idea a few hours ago about what I wanted to review for my first ever non-Facebook dependent review.  Quite simply, a review of the Infraggable Tony-Reviews of the Facebook Era.  So, just like a second helping of Sloppy Joes, here's the review of the Infraggable Tony-Reviews.  After all, a sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal.  (PS; I fuckin' love this new format.  Italics, bitch... italics.)

So, while this review won't be all encompassing, I will do my best to be comprehensive.  Considering how I started The Infraggable Tony-Reviews with my review of "Wreck-It Ralph" by the evil Disney Empire (Star Wars, not withstanding) and had ended it with details of my 30th birthday, I think that really all of my focus could use... more focus.  I'm not a professional review.  I like to type cock-donkey or scrotum scab, because these are buzz words that I like to use.  I feel that it tends to grab at people better than "YOLO" (Which for those who don't know, is actually Carpe Diem for mental ward rejects.)  Or whatever dubstep is supposed to be.

But, people seem to enjoy reading it, when they can.  I think really that The Infraggable Tony-Reviews has the potential to actually be a thing.  Who knows, maybe a way I can become, semi-professional, and perhaps from there, I can make this into a job.  Maybe that's where my future lies.  And if not, then at least it's something fun for me to do whenever I have a mind to do something.  And I'll probably do more nerdly things like Deathmatches between comic book characters, and other things like that.  But really, this is just me doing what I do best, and that's to share my view of the world to others like- or un-like minded as myself.  Anyway; I suppose this should do for my first non-Facebook'D Infraggable Tony-Review.

Who knows what the next topic will be; I hope it's a good one.

The Infraggable Tony-Man vs His 30th Birthday

{Original Post Date 15 January 2013}

With my 30th birthday now a week behind me, it's time for me to really face the facts. My developmental pre-teens are a distant memory, many of which I cannot remember. My impressionable teens have gone, and the things that I once thought were advents to rebel against, really have shaped me up to be what I was in my twenties. And my twenties... they've really left a lot to be desired. Here I am now, on the cusp of my thirties, and I wonder a lot of times if I've learned anything. Or if I just constantly make life mistakes for the sake of making life mistakes.

No longer do I really have the luxury of saying that I didn't know any better. No longer can I blame my mistakes on a world in which I still feel unprepared and unequipped for. There are many things that used to excite me, that I feel disillusioned to... and I still find myself asking the same question I have been since I was old enough to understand why I'm asking it. Who am I? Obviously, I'm Tony. The Infraggable Tony-Man but, is that moniker really a name of a person... or is it the title of a story that has random occurrences, in a chronologic yet happenstance order?

After 30 years, I wonder what it is that I'm really meant to do, or to be. I wonder what it is that I want, why can't I have it, and why should anyone give a shit. Obviously, I'm no where near where I thought I would be when I got to this stage of my life. Then again, I suppose part of the reason why I'm here, and not further along, is because I never really gave much thought to where I wanted to be. I still don't give much thought to the unseen future, or even in the near future. When does living day to day become an inefficient way to live? When does looking years into the future take precedence for living in the moment?

There's no instruction guide for life. There are only benchmarks of success, and obviously for failure. And even these aren't set in stone. Everyone's measure of success is different, but most would agree that a successful person is one that is mentally, physically, socially, financially, and spiritually sound. These are things that I don't feel like I've met. These are things that I feel sometimes I can grasp at some of these points, but others slip away from me. I'm imbalanced, and because of it, I don't find myself feeling successful.

I'm sure that people will look at this and just think that I'm complaining, and I'm bitching, and they wouldn't necessarily be wrong. But really this is just an introspective on where I am after having hit the third decade benchmark. I wonder if I could recognize internal happiness if it kicked me right in the teeth. I don't really know what is next for me. Perhaps year 30 will end up being the best year of my life, and it will allow me to appreciate the often disappointing teens and 20s. Or, this will be the year that I break down entirely and start selling crack, and becoming a he-bitch for some guy's man stable. The odds are pretty much even.

Whatever the case is, I just hope for an interesting year 30. If the past week has been any indication; maybe, just maybe it could be. Next time on the Infraggable Tony-Reviews, ....I'm not sure. Just watch out for it.