Tony-Man versus The Legend of Hercules (2014)

Boy Rocky, you've changed...

Hello fellow readers!  Holy crap look at all the blogs and reviews I've done this month!  It's been an exceptionally crazy month, filled with ups, downs, reviews, disappointments, and fluh... (for a lack of a better term).  To kick off the month, I want to ask you two questions.

First, what do you get when you combine pieces of "Gladiator," "300," and "Troy"?

Second, what do you get when you rush production of a movie, due to another movie with a Hercules theme that features Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson (Hercules: the Thracian Wars, coming out 25 July 2014)?

You get this confusing, contrived and sort of pussy whipped movie that's as predictable as it is formulaic.  And yes, it's confusing in its predictability.

Okay, so here are the things that are good about it.  (And yes... there are spoilers here, but nothing major that will ruin the movie.)  The fight sequences while predictable, and make you want to groan at the similarities of the aforementioned movies, are fast paced and quasi-believable.  None of the fight sequences are one-sided, and that the heroes in the movie are sliced up, skinned up, scarred.  Of course, there's no doubt in your mind who is going to end up winning, but everyone gets wounded.

The pacing for this movie, while muddled at the very beginning, is decently paced.  There's also an explanation of Hercules' birth, albeit somewhat brief.  Then it jumps to 20 years after the birth of Hercules.  While I would have liked to see a coming of age Hercules, I know that it's not the focus, so they don't waste any time of stuff between.

All the major characters, and supporting characters have a purpose.  Not one of them are throw-away characters.  There is a significant death scene, but unlike in Thor: The Dark World, the major character that dies in this movie has character development.  You are given time to explore the motivations, the hopes, the fears, and the triumphs of this character.  You get to feel for this character's plight, and it contributes very significantly to the enter ethos of this movie.  This is a character death done right.

Which brings me to the stuff that I didn't really care for.  And the biggest flaw that I feel this movie has, is that it pretty much took the plots of "Gladiator," "300," and "Troy"; decided to pretty much cut all the soul out of those movie, congealed the rest of the movies into a new bowl and let it sit over night.  Then put it into a Hercules cooking tray and let it bake.  And that's basically what this feels like.  Okay, I get it, it's Ancient Greece.  It's Hercules, and there were wars, and gladiator pits and treachery and all that other crap.  But, when it's obvious... it's obvious.  This movie has very little in the way of originality.  Special effects aside (and some of them where just downright goofy), I felt that the writing of this movie could have gone back to editing one more time to make the movie a little more cohesive.

Also, Hercules himself in this movie... is sort of a little bitch.  Since the movie doesn't tell us whether or not he's born with his super-strength or whether he has to do something in order to obtain them, Hercules gets the shit beat out of him... often.  And I could have accepted this if he were fighting against specialized soldiers, or against other demigods, but in a lot of instances, he's getting hurt by the Mook Squad, for more than half of the movie.  I know that seems like a hypocritical thing considering that I liked the fact that he was getting hurt in battle.  I don't know, I just sort of expected the nigh-invincible son of Zeus to be a little more impressive than he was.  When he finally does show his super phenomenal cosmic strength... that too was, pretty bland and weak.  What pisses me off even more, is that when he's fighting the Big Bad... it appears all of his newfound super-strength is gone.  Apparently in this movie, Godliness is a McGuffin.  Which figures.

I pretty much hated all the scenes that had Hercules as a "gladiator."  It's not very interesting.  Well, the fight scenes are, but the character and the movie itself probably could have benefited more if they took the characters on a different direction.  But, I also understand the need to give the viewing audience something familiar.  Play to the least common demonimator, right?  The last gladiator battle was rather rushed, and I think it was merely there for phallic-warmongering that appeals to the young male.  (Don't get me wrong, I love a good hand-to-hand battle scene.  I just wish this particular one looked decent and had substance to the story).

All in all, the movie was pretty good.  It certainly helped that this time I saw the movie with someone, who probably shares in some of these points.  From a scale of one to super mega awesome... I'm going to rate this a recommendly decent.

And you know, sooner or later, I'm going to have to write out the chart I use (because there is actually a chart I use) for my ranking system.