Tony-Man vs Convictions, Faithfulness, and Boundaries

Okay, so I said I was going to do a blog about That 70's Show, but I've decided to put it off in favor of something a little closer and personal.

There are a lot of things I don't understand.  But one thing I do understand, is that it's not my fault.  Some things are my fault, other things aren't.  I'm largely guided by the loose parameters of my boundaries, but I've never been unfaithful to the definitions of my own convictions.  Therefore, some people may say things about me, and some people will say that I'm the monster that lives in the closet.  Some people will find that my kindness is obtrusive to other people, and that I have no interest in pleasing everyone.

So, maybe I don't explain myself all that well, and that I hurt on the inside, but reflect radiance on the outside.  I am who I have chosen to be, even if I don't know who that is in its entirety.  We've all been hurt by some person or another, for whatever fuckery that is going on at the time.  Perhaps that's why I tend to have friends who are a bit banged-up, a little damaged, have baggage and issues, and are admittedly imperfect.  I've always believed, when I was younger that I could be a superhero to these people and help them through their troubles, caring little for my own.  Now, I wonder if I've ever helped anyone at all, or if I'm just some stupid kid wearing underwear, and a towel.  I sit here, even now and scratch my chin, and I ponder the answer.

Oh, I know I've served the country, I know that I have helped people, in small little ways.  But have I ever helped anyone in any significant way, and do I stretch myself out thin?  As I type this, I really can't think of any significant contribution, really.  Then I think, maybe I'm looking too inwardly, and outwardly, that there is no bigger picture.  I'm not a bad person, no worse than your average person, filled with my own secrets, and white lies, and humanity.  But, why does that make me feel like I'm doing something wrong? 

More importantly, why am I explaining all this on this blog?  I laugh a little derisively, just typing this.  Like it's some sort of dark joke but the punchline is me, and I'm sure that I've already gotten off topic of what my original intent was.  I guess the bottom-line is this.  If I don't understand what's exactly going on in my universe, how am I to make the right choice?  If the existence of a state is meant to be one thing, but goes through a subtle yet dynamic change without the awareness of the observer, how then does one choose?  Or is this just me over thinking this exercise in futility again?

I intend to squeeze what fun I can from this life.  Considering the life I've lived, and the lives of those I have known, those I have lost through pain, death, misunderstandings, life, the passing of time, or because something better was on TV... I have missed out on great opportunities in life because of general stupidity, and destiny.  I've missed a lot of fun that I could have had, and I've missed out on great opportunity.  Even as I type this, I can see difficulties in my near future.  I can also see memories of fondness.

And that's not such a bad thing.  ...not such a bad thing at all.

Next time on the Infraggable Tony-Reviews:  "Iron Man 3:  This time it's not Iron Man 2."