{Originial Post date 22 November 2012}
I have never been a fan of the Christmas season. Well, okay, to be
fair; I have never gotten into the hype of the Christmas Season as a
large number of people fall into. Personally, for me Christmas has
usually been just another day. A day that people get presents, kiss
under the mistletoe, drink eggnog, sing
increasingly obnoxious Christmas Carols, and allow their inner douchebag
to come out. (Unlike me, who’s inner douchebag pales in comparison to
my outer douchebag.) Originally, when this Christmas thing started, it
was a purely religious holiday surrounding the birthdate of Jesus; which
some are speculating that he was actually born sometime in August, but
let’s not get all semantic about things. Christmas is meant to be about
the goodwill of all people, peace on earth, and all of that. But, now
I’m wondering and I have for some time, when did Christmas become about
the bastardization and commercialization of said religious holiday?
When was it that Jesus was no longer doing well with our young
demographic, ages two through eleven? Instead now we have the epitome
of what America has become: fat, old, judgmental, and all-world
consuming.
Okay, let me be clear. I have no qualms or problems
with Christmas itself. December twenty-fifth is all well fine and
good. It’s the months that come before it that I simply cannot stand.
Of course, it probably doesn’t help that this particular year, I have
had no job, no real social life, no money, and very little drive to
improve myself; so admittedly, this year I may be a bit more bitter than
most years. But, I will try to put that aside in order to review the
Christmas season, in my usual flair of sophomoric terms, and colorful
catch-phrases that still makes you think. So without further adieu,
let’s get this train wreck a’-rollin’.
It probably wouldn’t bother
me so much, if the Christmas season didn’t start just as Halloween
finishes. Hell, I went to a store at the mall on October twenty-third,
and they were already doing the Christmas music. I mean, what the
hell?! But for all intensive purposes, I will say that the Christmas
Season starts on November first. Given that, there are fifty-five days
between Halloween and Christmas Day. That is a long time. But if you
want a statistic behind that, fifty-five days is just a little more than
15% of the entire year, dedicated to this crap. Fifty-five days of
commercialism, of marketing, of trying to empty your wallet, for gifts
and things that your kid, your significant other, your friend, your dog,
your whatever will probably get tired of by Martin Luther King Day.
Not everyone is like that, I get it, but the return rate on that
sweater, or that other “it’s the thought that counts” gift is
significantly high. If it’s the thought that really counted, then stop
and think about it a little more.
Another thing that I’ve
always been annoyed with, are the incessant Christmas carols that you
hear everywhere. In the stores, on the radio, at the bar with your
drunken friends, at work, at the movies. Wherever you go, that fucking
drummer boy isn’t far behind, and Rudolph exclusion from reindeer games
is mentioned so many times, you couldn’t give a rat’s ass if you tried.
Again, I would probably be fine with it if it didn’t go on for
fifty-five fucking days! Oh, even more annoying is when people sing
Adam Sandler’s “Hanukkah Song.” I’m a huge fan of Adam Sandler, and I
like all versions of the song that he sings. But, Adam Sandler mentions
in his songs that there are only eight crazy nights. That’s it. I
don’t need to be reminded for twenty or so days that William Shatner and
Leonard Nimoy are both Jewish. Not a fan of Christmas Carols.
Along the same lines are the Christmas Specials that come on every
year, draining the life out of me. Listen, people who believe in the
magic of Christmas, and listen to me well. Just because a Christmas
special is a classic and is timeless, it doesn’t make said Christmas
Special any good. It’s a Wonderful Life is not a very good movie. If
you sit there and watch it objectively, and not nostalgically; you’ll
come to find it’s a pretty crappy movie. Now, just to let you know… and
call me a hypocrite on this, if there’s one Christmas Special that I’ll
watch every single time, it’s got to be the animated version of “How
the Grinch Stole Christmas.” Nothing says Christmas like breaking and
entering, theft, dishonesty, cruelty, and later on redemption, and
acceptance. And really, I don’t blame the Grinch for wanting to steal
Christmas. The guy was lonely, feared, and hated, and in return, the
Grinch felt resentment, and angry. But I digress. I won’t even try to
schedule time to watch it. If it’s on while I’m flipping through the
channels, then I’ll stop flipping and sit down to watch. But, I
digress. People who insist on telling me that these classics are what
make Christmas so special should be lobotomized. Trust me, with most of
these people, you wouldn’t tell the difference.
Oh, and with
TV… I am getting increasingly annoyed with the Christmas “inspired”
commercials. It’s not enough that we have commercials, so that they can
shove products down our throats. No, now they have Christmas-themed
commercials to cram things down our throat with. Again, this probably
wouldn’t bother me so much; if it weren’t for the length of time that
they do so. I’m a single man, not dating, no job, no money, with no
prospects. I cannot stand these commercials. And they usually cater
towards children or for women. Because let’s face it, Christmastime is
kind of crappy for the single man. This is the time when depression,
suicide, self-bodily harm, and dangerous thoughts are most prevalent in
single men. I; myself, have been dealing with these things this year,
and the year before, and every year before that since I entered into
this funny little muddle called adulthood. It sucks being and feeling
alone during Christmastime. Yet, I press on, always thinking that next
year would be better, and it never does. Then I see this crap on the
TV, and it annoys the hell out of me. As I’m sure, if for different
reasons it does any of you.
I could go on and on about why the
Christmas season sucks. I could go on and on about my own Christmas
season experiences. But I’d lose what objectivity I had going into this
train wreck. Anyway, here it is, Thanksgiving; which personally has
never made much sense to me. But that my friends, is a review for… …
…probably later today; since it is Thanksgiving.
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