Before I start reviewing movies (and I've already got two movies lined up for this blog for 2014), I thought I would sort of recount some of the major events and many minor ones that I should recount. So, I'm pretty much going to rapid-fire this, so if I seem everywhere... don't think it as me trying to bastardize this important year that I have been through, even though I certainly have the right to do so. As you may know... all two of you who actually reads this blog, I've decided to write all of my more introspective personal stuff on a different blog, but I won't be sharing it to the masses for some time, if at all, and I'm going to concentrate on just reviews here. But I'll be reviewing a wider array of things, instead of just movies. And I'm sure a personal blurb here or there may come up.
So... here we go. I've been happy, I've been depressed, I've been angry. I've been disappointed, I've been optimistic, I've destroyed my hopes, and found new ones. I have soared on the wings of demons, and I have felt the touch of angels. I've ridden on a black steed into many different lands. I've waxed poetic, I've burgled, I've romanced, and I've had my heart broken. I stopped wars, I've appeared as the hope of a child. I've metaphored, I've similed, I pontificate, I'm quixotic. I've carried heavy burdens, I've punished myself in the name of my own self-righteous... and I've punished myself in the name of my own imaginary inner demons. I have been on the top of a mountain, I've been in low, low valleys. I've persevered in the face of nihilism, and I've laughed for emotional release. I have bled, I have cried, I have been mortified, I have found new strength. I have been a boyfriend, been a lover, been a last resort. I have been a shoulder to cry on, a pillow for others to rest their weary head, I have been public enemy number one. I have been incarcerated, I have been the caged bird that sings.
I have lost friends to death, to misunderstandings, to pride, to arrogance, to distance, to time, to lack of mutual interests. I have made myself a hermit, I have been alone in a crowd of friends. I have cut ties with people both good for my self-esteem at times more often than those who only were there to hurt me. I've met amazing people, I've loved amazing people. But I've also hated amazing people, and erased amazing people. I have broken laws, I have broken people's spirits and confidence. I have found a decent yet unremarkable job. I've been a free spirit, a corporate drone, a narc, and I been fond of people and things that t'were it 2012, I might not have been so into. I've rediscovered my love and passion for writing (even if honestly, I'm not very good at it). I have been over the seas, and I've been across this country.
I've opened my heart, I've had it stabbed, I've had it replaced, I've had it stepped on. I know that my future will hold many more of these moments. I've felt sentimental, I've felt nostalgic, I've also been hated for what I say, what I mean, what I stand for. I've had friends introduce new lives into this funny little muddle called the world. I've even slid down a slide with children, and smiled at the innocence of young kids. I've dealt with my own misgivings, and I've had my first actual date by a person that showed up.
At my core; however, I've lost a lot, as well as gained. I have almost completely stopped smoking, and the goal is to completely stop. I've lost the notion that I will be at a place where I could be a good person to a special someone, but I've never lost the idea that I can be a good person to a special someone. I've lost the idea that I could ever do the right thing when it really matters, but I've gain the idea that this life can and will knock me down, but it is up to me to choose to get back up. I've lost the spark that I would never compromise the way I live my life, but I've gained the appreciation of adaptability, in order to at least steer my life in a way that I won't completely self-destruct.
I have learned many hard lessons about life, about people, about friends, and about myself. I've laughed at myself, and been ashamed of myself, and on more occasions than I'd like to admit, I've laughed and been ashamed of myself for the same reasons. I've walked lines between genius and hypocrisy and insanity. And I've pushed a life that; quite honestly, hasn't quite begun living yet.
And really... if there's any New Year's "Resolution" that I honestly hope to keep until 2015, it's to finally be able to start to live my life. More than anything else, that's what I want. But until then, I'm just going to see how 2014 pans out. I have a pretty good feeling about this year. Perhaps it's a little early to say, but I think I'm going to start off the year optimistic for a change. Stranger things have happened.
No comments:
Post a Comment